A few years back, we had an imagined self. That imagined self manages to stay on the top of their game around the clock— answering messages left and right, being available for brunches while saying yes to every opportunity handed to us, and also being able to utilize a gym membership to its fullest.
Clinging on to that imagined self was aspirational. Until it suddenly wasn't.
Before we knew it, we were exhausted and burnt out. Whenever we think of work, it's no longer a time to put our skills at the forefront when challenges sound like a creative pitch coming this week or a conflict you have to resolve to iron out office relations. It transforms into a knot in our stomachs— a constant nervousness, a cloud of anxiety. Our time with friends and family turns into brave faces, tired conversations over dinners where we glance at our phones every five minutes. On top of that, we're beating ourselves up for not eating healthier, not being active enough, holding onto the occasional pamper days where we finally sigh and say, "I deserve this."
Unknown to us is part of that 'girl boss' thinking (and the glamour it always seems to exude) was another side of the coin that doesn't get enough light.
We get to a point where we ask what we're doing wrong, and it gets even more challenging when we come into this fully ready to utilize the skills and abilities we've honed. We start to doubt whether the goals we set out in the first place were too high up— thinking we might not be enough. Although it took some time for us, we realize we are enough.
Unknown to us is part of that 'girl boss' thinking (and the glamour it always seems to exude) was another side of the coin that doesn't get enough light. Behind it is the fact that we weren't all cut from the same glass. We all have different lifestyles, backgrounds, values, and we all honor diverse boundaries. Whereas one person can achieve their goals in two years, our difference in stories, how we live our lives, and what route we'll take to get there might mean our journey would take more time. Nonetheless, that route will take us there— we'll be just as proud and happy.
We were ready to start working on a version of ourselves that not only is willing to take our goals in our own way but one that is mindful and whole. One of the things we needed to do was honoring our boundaries.
Image from Hande
Realizing this might have taken us some time, but we were ready to start working on a version of ourselves that not only is willing to take our goals in our own way but one that is mindful and whole. One of the things we needed to do was honoring our boundaries.
Honoring our boundaries seems daunting. It instantly gives us the idea that to honor our boundaries mean limiting ourselves. It screams cutting off people, quitting, and shutting doors, and while some moments warrant these steps to honor our limits, it could also mean not saying yes to that online catch-up to recuperate from a tough week at work. It could look like creating that automated e-mail that says we're on leave and that we'll get back to them once you get back. It could look like understanding when it's time for you to stop forcing a routine that no longer is in line with your goals and lifestyle right now. It might look like finding the better option that gives more of what's in line with who we are. It's taking a step back, even when everyone's taking a step forward because we know what's ahead isn't for us at the moment.
While the big steps that honor our boundaries seem more monumental and life-changing, it's the consistent and sustainable ways that we honor our boundaries that make us feel limitless. Whole.
Honoring boundaries might look more like a pause or a shift, and doing that doesn't make it any less of a step than the bigger ones. Remember, while the big steps that honor our boundaries seem more monumental and life-changing, it's the consistent and sustainable ways that we honor our boundaries that make us feel limitless. Whole. We are never lowballing or taking the easier way route, but the route that allows us to own our journey and still having something left for ourselves at the end of the day.
These little steps might be different for everyone, so try to remember to focus on your own values and story. Try and think of aspects in your life that need boundaries reinforced to help preserve yourself so you're able to reach the highest version of yourself without feeling burnt out or discouraged. Which steps can you make today, and which ones need a little more courage than the rest? What will you look forward to once you take those?
Thumbnail from Nikki Cruz and Flickr